he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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