Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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