Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
