That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
