my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
