I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
