Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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