I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
