Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
nutella sex= disaster
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
