Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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