I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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