i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
