She's JV to your varsity
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
