The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
