I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
