mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
