Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
