doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
