i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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