I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
