I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
