The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
