I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
