I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Who died my cat blue again?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
