dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I won the penis lottery.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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