just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
