No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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