remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
