Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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