Please, let me fuck your mom
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
