I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she pinky promised me she was 18
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
