I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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