Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
