Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
