He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
