She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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