a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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