Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
