Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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