yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
