The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
