I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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