On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
