Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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