i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
