I've blown a few things in my day
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
