So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
