so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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