sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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