DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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