So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
