I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
