I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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