i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
